50+ assertive ways for the people pleaser to say no (or buy yourself some time while you think on the matter). Try these out!
Try to resist the urge to embellish or add more on than just declining.
Yes, it'll be uncomfortable.
Yes, you'll feel awkward at first.
But you can do it. And, people seriously won't question you as much as you fear. If anything, they'll think: "Wow, [Your Name] is pretty direct and clear. That's probably what they expect from me, too."
Don't miss the tip at the bottom! Good luck, and leave a comment letting me know how it goes!
1. No, thank you.
2. Sorry, but no.
3. That sounds interesting, but I can’t.
4. I wish I could, but I can't.
5. I already made plans for that day. Sorry!
6. I’ll have to see what I can move around to make that work.
7. Maybe another time.
8. I will take a look when I'm home later.
9. Let me think it over.
10. I have a lot to catch up on at home.
11. I can't, I have a lot on my plate right now.
12. I’ll pass, but thank you for thinking of me!
13. My social battery is pretty drained this week. I'll try to make the next one.
14. I appreciate it, but I’ll have to pass.
15. It's a maybe at the moment, but most likely no.
16. I'm flattered, but no.
17. Hard pass!
18. I’ve made my decision. I have to stick to it.
19. My calendar says no.
20. I don’t have the bandwidth for that at the moment.
21. I'm allergic to that idea.
22. My inner introvert says no.
23. I can't make it, but I can do the next one with a little more advance notice.
24. Thanks, but I’m not interested.
25. I'm so honored you thought of me, but I have to decline.
26. I’m so sorry, I can’t make it.
27. I have plans and can’t attend.
28. I don’t think that works for me.
29. I’m afraid I can’t.
30. Unfortunately, that won't work for me.
31. That sounds like a lot.
32. I'm not a big fan of [insert activity/vibe/idea here], so I'll have to pass this time.
33. That’s not going to happen.
34. That's not really my thing, but if you ever want to do [activity here], I'm down!
35. Absolutely not.
36. Not this time.
37. I’m not okay with that.
38. I don’t think I can at this time.
39. I’ll have to say no.
40. That’s a no from me.
41. I’m going to pass.
42. Let me think about it (but probably no).
43. I’m not sure I’m the right fit.
44. I think that might be a better task for someone more experienced with [insert here].
45. That’s not really my thing.
46. I’m currently booked up.
47. I’ll have to take a rain check.
48. [Insert day/time] works better for me.
49. I’m focusing on other priorities right now.
50. I’m stepping back from commitments like that.
51. That’s not something I can commit to.
52. I’m going to sit this one out.
53. This month is super busy for me. What about [insert date]?
54. I need some time to myself this week.
Tip
If it feels genuine, you can be apologetic or add a bit of extra context to your response. It can come across as more sincere than just flat out saying no. It also “softens” the act of saying no, making it easier to do.
• “I’m really sorry, but…
• “I don’t like to do this, but...
If it’s appropriate for the situation, you can open up a bit about how hard it is to say no or feel like you’re disappointing others, but that you’re trying to get better at listening to your needs without guilt. Try to keep it short and sweet and not too rambly, just so you don’t fall into the trap of over-explaining yourself. Sit with the anxiety of just stating your truth. You don’t need to give a reason…But if it feels safe, go for it. This is more appropriate for closer relationships. Good friends or healthy partners will definitely understand.
Good luck, and let me know how it goes in the comments below :)
